We have always raised our sons with the idea that health and the people around us are the greatest happiness. Material wealth may or may not evaporate easily, and it’s far more important to think about the people you love than the spending you can do for your own pleasure. But what difference do these words make to a ten-year-old if he doesn’t have the newest car or expensive costume for a baby shower, and his classmates do?
After the start of the school year, when my son moved into fourth grade, he had a lot of new classmates. My son was a very sociable boy and the kids liked being friends with him, so very soon we started getting invitations to bring our son to his birthday party, to take him to the premiere of a new cartoon together with other parents of fourth graders, or just to sit separately for moms and children separately in some cafe.
My husband and I could afford a gift for the other, sometimes we even sent to the movies with the class, but we have another child growing up who is about to start school, and that involves spending money on a preschool teacher, a selection of school uniforms and other things that cost quite a bit.
I’m never sorry to spend on my kids, it’s just that sometimes I’m strapped for cash and balance on my card. My husband is more frugal, saving up everything for a summer vacation with the family, or to buy some appliances for the house, while I am quite capable of giving the last of my money to go to my son to visit someone, if it would make my son happy. And yet he still comes home afterwards frowning and upset, and he asks: “Mom, Dad, are we poor? By the standards of other families?”
And what’s the answer to that? We are definitely not poor, because we have our own apartment, it is in good condition, periodically we buy a new wall for the children in the room, then a new washing machine, because the old one failed, but we do it, based on our capabilities and in great need, not just because we can.
My husband laughed at such a question and asked:
– Didn’t you get that Lego set you wanted for your birthday? All your friends at school were jealous of you.
– Yes, the set was good, but everyone else got other sets long ago, and I only got one…
These words prompted my husband to set aside a decent amount from his next paycheck to please his sons with an expensive toy. More of this, of course, was done for the eldest, but after all, he and the youngest can play together.
The son of the gift was happy at first, and then for some reason upset.
– It’s not fair somehow turned out – he almost told us off – I already have the second set of Lego, and the youngest since the New Year asking for a set of superheroes. Can you change it in the store? I’ll wait with the set until my next birthday, it’s not that big a deal.
It was so amazing and nice to hear that from my ten-year-old son. He cared not only about himself, but about his brother as well. It made me personally proud. Even with my son noticing better and more valuable toys from others, and seeing expensive furnishings in other people’s apartments, his greatest value was still his family. That’s what wealth and happiness are all about – family and mutual care for each other.
