I am 30 years old, married, working. We live far away from all my relatives, my parents helped me with the apartment. Without false modesty I would say that my appearance is bright, pretty brunette by nature. In my youth I had my place in sports, dancing and had enough admirers. My husband could not believe for a long time that we had a twisted relationship, as he had seen me before sometimes when I was coming back from school to visit my relatives, and admired me from a distance.
I always saw a strong and friendly family in the future, an established relationship with my in-laws. But it just so happened that when I got married, I faced my father-in-law’s dislike for me. My husband loves his father very much, he grew up with him. He and his mother have been divorced for a long time and she treats me well. But my father-in-law literally undermines our family by his ignoring me, as if I do not exist.
We are from the same city, my parents and his father live there now with his roommate. In absentia I had heard about my father-in-law even before my relationship with my husband. I remember the high-profile story of his and his wife’s divorce, when he left her for her best friend and himself to decide how they would share the children. And in general there was always talk about him as an arrogant man, you just can’t ask for something like that. In my naivety I decided that it’s okay, there are no people who can’t be approached. From the bottom of my heart I gave useful and pleasant presents on holidays, handed over pastries that I baked myself.
My parents accepted my husband, they are, as they say, worldly. But my father-in-law didn’t get along. He smiled at the table when I visited them, but he never invited me. He never once congratulated me on any of the holidays, not even by text message. My husband, seeing my sadness, even asked before my birthday, they say, “Don’t forget to congratulate me. But he did not say anything back and did not congratulate me. My husband led him to talk about what he did not like, to which he did not get anything intelligible, just was the answer: “I do not know what’s wrong, but something does not like.
A small town, all sorts of talk that I as a daughter-in-law is not even called and not welcome. My parents also do not like it, recently began to grind on my husband and me: “We raised you, you learned, you’re our child, and these will turn their noses up at me. It’s as if you’ve got yourself a great husband, you’re just an ordinary one, there are plenty of them. Let’s start treating him that way, too.
At the same time, he accepts his roommate’s children happily with their husbands and wives and grandchildren. My husband tries to reassure me that his father’s opinion does not affect his decisions and feelings. But I still feel that water turns stones. That if it is not my husband, then I will wreck myself or my relatives. This situation is annoying. I did not describe and re-circulate a lot of things inside myself, but there were moments when his father was discussing me with his friends. When we got out of the car near his house, I said hello, and he muttered back through his teeth and did not call me into the house.
I am very sorry that things are not working out normally, and they will not work out. I do not like the questions about why I did not go to my father-in-law’s house. Someone very smart advised: “Oh, what to wait until they call, go uninvited. First of all, I am not, and secondly, I know that I am not welcome.
Not once have I said a bad word, not him, or about him, not once have I manipulated my husband in quarrels, that go away from my apartment, etc. Very hurtful. And years ago, when my husband’s mom lived in our town, they were friends with my mom. Maybe this somehow makes my father-in-law even more nervous.
Advice, please, what to do? My husband responds to me a little harshly, my parents began to react very strongly. What does he look like his father, always displeased with everything. Despite all his pluses, the minuses have become just like a red rag to the bull.
And I look with longing and envy other families where parents get together at the same table, where for the sake of the children become relatives, rather than continuing to be strangers and morally repulsed, destroying the marriage of his son. I’m not ironclad, I want happiness and fair treatment.
