Before my wife cheated on me, I was a good husband. I didn’t walk around, worked very, very hard, and did everything for our family and child. We had a great relationship (as I thought). Before our first child was born, we could stay in bed all weekend. And everything was fine. There were quarrels, of course, but nothing serious or critical.
With time, of course, this passion faded a bit. But I loved my wife. I remember exactly my feeling of happiness and wonderful perspectives, when I drove my son to the kindergarten in the morning and on the way to work I thought how good everything was: I was high on my son, on my wife, I saw my career prospects, I saw our bright future, and I was happy about it. We planned to buy an apartment, went out together to choose everything, looked around and made plans. We went on vacation and often met friends and parents.
Then the fact of my wife’s infidelity was discovered. It wasn’t a one-time thing, but went on for at least a month until I opened it up. I was dying, physically. It was a terrible pain. I didn’t understand why and ispovedi.com what I deserved it for. My wife didn’t make much of an excuse, of course, asking for forgiveness and saying it was just a little fling. I took a break, needed to cool off.
My first affair. It was two or three weeks later. I was overcome with anger and a desire for revenge. I was just trampled as a man and lost all my confidence. There was a girl at work who I liked purely in appearance, but previously, I never had any thoughts of anything with her. But it all went on and on… It was all a blur on my part. One-time meetings and no talk about the future or love. After a month of this kind of communication, she started to become insistent about my divorce and life with her. She may have had some feelings, but I didn’t understand them, and I couldn’t and didn’t want anything at the time. And yes, she didn’t know about my problem. We ended on my initiative.
The score was even (I thought so). Foolishness. There was a month or two of my “bonding” with my wife. This is the weirdest and stupidest part of the whole ispovedi.com story. Why I did it and why I did it – even now I don’t understand. It was a complete mental blur. There was a lot of talking, there were a lot of nights together. The child was then sent to her grandparents for a month (summer). And I found out about her pregnancy as early as the 2nd month. My emotions at that time leave it out of the picture.
My daughter was born. I talked myself into loving her. And now, years later, I love her madly. I love both my children, but I think I love my daughter even more.
I accepted my wife as the mother of my children and nothing more. We didn’t bring up the past, but all the passion, love, emotion is gone. All I was left inside was my children and scorched earth towards my wife. Sex was and still is very rare and without emotion, at my initiative. We haven’t kissed once since then. I bought an apartment (knowing in advance that I would leave it to my children), set up a household and immersed myself in work and children. I immersed myself in work and the kids for years.
I really liked the girl, who was a colleague at work. She knew that I was married and knew only about one child (my daughter was about a year old at the time). She felt my sympathy and invited me to lunch herself. Then there was a series of meetings. There was no sex. It was all about feelings. She was very romantic and I knew I couldn’t give her anything in return. I wasn’t going to leave the family now and turning her into a mistress was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be honest with her. That platonic love ended that way. I told her about the second child and she understood. What did I understand? Then I realized that I still had something inside me and that I wasn’t dead yet. That was very important to me.
Our whole family life now is pure “baby-centrism. All of our conversations with my wife are about children, all of our trips together to the stores are only for clothes for the kids or toys. We do not go to movies or restaurants together, we do not communicate as lovers or as soul mates. Our free time away from the kids ispovedi.com we fill with work or friends. We don’t know how to be alone. Entourage for children and relatives and the illusion of family.
Many forumers write, why am I suddenly decided to “flip out” right now?
Yes, because my years have already proven that I have no future with my wife. I lived (and live) with her all this time on automatic. The anger has dulled, of course, but the resentment, distrust, reluctance remain and do not go anywhere. I guess I’m just tired of it all. And I am so sorry for the way things turned out in my life. And the pity for the children is the greatest…
