My daughter says that I am a bad grandmother. I recently had a fight with her about not wanting to babysit my grandchildren.
I have lived a hard but happy life. I am 55 years old. I still work, my husband is retired and very sick. I have two grandchildren, five and seven years old. I gave birth to my daughter when she was twenty and raised her without the help of grandparents. My parents and my husband lived far away. My husband was in the military, so we moved around a lot. I always had enough time for my children, husband, and work. Somehow I managed to do everything, even though I was very tired.
Now my daughter is 35 and doesn’t have a job. I never used to refuse to help with my grandchildren, it was only a pleasure. They often went to visit friends and without kids, or went on some kind of vacation, and in the evenings the kids stayed with me. And no one took into account the fact that I am after work and tired too. I have age-related hypertension, a sick husband at home, and household chores. Sometimes I don’t even have the energy to get to the kitchen. Now my daughter just put me before the fact: they are going on vacation for two weeks, and the grandchildren are staying with us. And then I couldn’t stand it, I said that I should have a vacation too! All my life no one took me into account, and I’m tired of it.
My son-in-law’s parents live in the same city as us, but for some reason they very rarely take their grandchildren. I said that I was tired, let them decide this issue on their own. My daughter took offense and said that I was selfish. Am I selfish? As a mother I gave her everything I could, tried not to deny her anything, within limits, of course. I just didn’t want her to feel worse than the other children.
Before that, I had never refused a babysitting request. And then one time I said no, and now I’m the bad guy. I kind of feel a twinge of conscience, but I still don’t want to babysit my grandchildren this time. I’m such an age, then my lower back seizes, the pressure spikes, and run around small and loud children who need attention. I am very tired, I think it’s time to “live for yourself. But my daughter apparently doesn’t think so. I wanted to sit down with her and talk normally, maybe she would have understood me in a human way. But now she doesn’t even want to hear anything. My husband seems to understand and support me, but in this conflict he decided to remain neutral and does not want to interfere. I think my daughter will eventually understand me. But I want to explain to her why I did what I did. I want to see understanding now, not when she has adult children and grandchildren.
Well, what am I wrong about that? Is it that I think that everything I should have given to my child, I have already given? I understand everything, but there are limits. Why doesn’t my daughter want to understand that this period of her time with her children is the most precious, and she’s trying to shut them out. She will regret it later, but it’s too late to get a single moment back. When I look at pictures where my daughter was little, then kindergarten, school, I often cry for the missed moments. It was busy all the time.
I want to know the opinion of other grandmothers, who would do in this situation. And somehow do not want to feel like the worst grandmother in the world.
