I had a toxic friend, I only over time began to understand everything and slowly drift away. It is impossible to list all the reasons why it is clear that she is toxic (not that I made it up), there was everything, including hidden envy, could call me ugly (not directly of course, but veiled), care through devaluation, constant criticism of other people, can not rejoice in the happiness of other people, the eternal negativity. All of this she masked with a smile. After her it was always hard on my soul, and the feeling that something was slowing me down. I could not rejoice in front of her something, I knew that in it sits a snake that rages.
After thinking it over I distanced myself, I did not explain anything as I know her well enough to assume that she will deny everything, argue, blame me, etc. There is no point in telling her, she is not the kind of person who will listen and take a closer look at her behavior. A couple of times she asked me what’s up, where I disappeared to, I said I had a lot of work and stuff to do. She threw in accusations that I was getting weird. In fact, I just started writing exactly as much as she did and stopped listening to her negativity, just changing the subject, whereas before I would write and offer to date first, listen to her whining, etc. a very convenient girlfriend I was. But I still didn’t say anything and distanced myself under the pretense of being busy.
But I realize that I am gnawed and irritated by all the things she did to me, even though I distanced myself, but as if there is an unclosed gestalt. I want revenge for all those antics, where she devalued me, put herself above, because I did not answer her in time (she did it so passively that I only realized it after a couple of hours). All of this has accumulated in me into a huge ball of hatred for my former friend (and myself for allowing myself to be treated this way). And I can’t let go. Did practice “writing”, but it did not help much, still periodically I remember and want to take revenge, to let her know that she is not the smartest one here.
I know that this characterizes me not from the best side, because a strong person is just grateful for the experience, draws conclusions, and goes on, treating it as a lesson. But I can’t, anger boils inside me. Maybe you won’t understand me, but there have been so many negative moments that come back to my mind, and I’m angry. I want her to know the reason I left, but at the same time I know she will argue, deny, blame me even more.
What should I do in this situation?
