I’ve been reading life stories from this site for a long time, and now it’s time to tell mine.
I am an ordinary young woman, married for several years. We live in a rented house, both work, are happy with everything, no children.
Now to the point. I have a 55+ mom who has been a widow for almost three years. I loved my dad very much, we always had a trusting relationship and had a great time. I have a good relationship with my mom as well, aside from arguments. There is also an older sister who lives in the same house as my mom, but has been away for the past three months.
I have a stressful job, and I get annoyed by frequent calls from someone. I prefer messengers. But my mom calls several times a day. A couple of weeks ago I started telling her that I’m not ready to listen to something bad every day, it’s okay to talk about positive things.
I try to understand my mother, how hard it is for her alone, including financially. However, in an effort to help, I have gotten her involved in a part-time job in my field. She takes care of her older daughter’s children and goes to work. Either work or some kind of complaint came up in the conversations. It was getting harder and harder for me to listen, so I asked her to call less frequently, and to write on messenger. But I was only heard for a few days, then everything fell into place.
When I explained that I was married and generally unable to communicate so much, my mother replied that as a mother she should always come first. Already at this point I was stunned. My arguments about not talking to my husband that much were not heard. When complaints sprang up again in the conversation, I replied that I helped her as much as I could. The answer was that I wasn’t the only one helping parents, her colleagues’ children were buying mothers cars and sending money.
Two years ago, I worked hard to save an impressive amount of money for dentures, pushing my family’s needs aside. After my father died, I wanted to make her happier so she wouldn’t have a complex. At the time, my husband and I didn’t even have a used car.
But my mom wants to socialize! And I want some head rest. I have a wonderful spouse and my mother has a humble son-in-law. A quiet, quiet man. But these frequent calls began to stress him out and my mother has a grudge, they say, all my reluctance to communicate because of him.
It’s not all, of course. There was no understanding until I was 18, as a child there was a lot of aggression and resentment. It’s hard on my soul because I “yell”, but they don’t hear me.
