I need an outsider’s perspective on the following situation.
I have a girlfriend who is 12 years older than me. We are friends for about 9 years. At first I was interested in her, she seemed like an easy, positive person. I was with her fun and easy, besides, we had a lot of common interests and similar views on many things. We shared problems with her and supported each other in difficult situations. She was like an older sister to me.
About 3 years ago my friend divorced her husband. Since then she has changed a lot. She began to actively meet different men on dating sites, social networks, on vacations, to have s#xual relations with different men. Almost every week she had a new partner, and then she became obsessed with the idea of finding a man who would support her for life.
All the conversations with her friend were limited to one topic – s#x and men. We almost never talked about any of my problems, she was not interested. But when she had conflicts with her ex-husband (they were living under the same roof after the divorce) or problems with her son, I had to listen to her and support her.
At first I was a little perplexed when I listened to her stories about, for example, how she told her next boyfriend the price for a night with her and he started haggling, I just hated hearing it, I could even say that I was disgusted by it. This way of life and this behavior is not the norm for me. Gradually I began to realize that my friend and I are different and our paths are different.
About a year ago my friend started having health problems. First gynecological problems, then a coronavirus, and after that mental problems (panic attacks, depression). Naturally, she began not to care about men. She had a new obsession – she had a spell put on her. She began to actively visit various psychics, thinking that a psychic with a wave of a magic wand would solve all her problems.
By that time we communicated less and she was the first one to call. We live in different cities and recently we communicate only on the phone. At every call she piles me with her problems, talking about spoils, diseases and diagnoses, as well as ridiculous requests such as: “I’ll send you now my ultrasound, see later what my diagnosis means, how dangerous it is. I told her that I do not know the medicine and that with this question better ask the doctor, she replied: “Well, google the Internet, please. I say that she also has the Internet and Google will give her the same information that I have. She replied: “Yes, I read, but I did not understand anything, you’re smart, you’ll figure it out better. There were also requests to “Google” her prescription antidepressants, to read their reviews, and so on.
I politely refused, citing her busyness (I really am a very busy person). Recently she calls me and says she has found a good psychic in my city and plans to come stay with me for a couple of days to visit him (one session will not be enough, and travel every time from another city expensive). That is, she does not ask if I, to have her stay with me, but says she wants to stay with me!
I’m not ready to host her for several reasons. First, I have become uncomfortable with her and communicating with her, her fixation on herself and her problems and constant whining weighs me down. Secondly, I am not sure that she does not have any s#xually transmitted diseases (according to her story, she had unprotected s#x with all her partners), and some infections can be transmitted through everyday life. I am afraid to even imagine that she could use my towel, washcloth or toothbrush. I have a baby and I don’t need these problems at all. Thirdly, my friend is a bit cheeky and can, for example, take and eat children’s sweets without asking (she sees nothing wrong with that, we are friends).
Last year she came to my daughter’s birthday party and unplanned stayed for another 5 days (she also visited a psychic). Her presence caused me a lot of inconvenience and discomfort, and I could barely get her out. She also wanted to bring a man to my apartment, but I wouldn’t let her. I politely refused her overnight stay, citing the fact that I was leaving that day to stay with my mother and would arrive late. But she wouldn’t give up and offered her own way out of the situation – to leave the keys to her apartment with a neighbor, or to cancel the trip to her mom altogether.
A week later is my daughter’s birthday. A friend is a godmother and hasn’t missed a goddaughter’s birthday yet. But now I don’t want her to come, much less stay overnight. Her company and presence in my house would make me uncomfortable. A friend has changed a lot, and I guess I have, too. I think we should keep communication to a minimum as we have become very different. I don’t know how to properly tell her about this so as not to offend or hurt her.
