In the fall of 2021 I decided to move in with a young man, I was sure in advance that we would live in a rented apartment. At the moment we live in his private house together with his father and mother. I have always had a hard time getting used to new people, but in this situation things went beyond that.
I had to forget about personal comfort and space, as well as forget about my sleeping and eating habits. Relationships with my young man’s relatives were strained. I don’t have any sympathy for them, but I try not to go into a conflict with them for fear of worsening my psychological state. At the same time they judge me behind my back.
The problem is that I feel alien and superfluous here, I do not feel safe and daily I find myself in tension, which affects the relationship unfavorably. Obsessive thoughts and self-harm arise, that by hurting myself physically, I dull the psychological pain. I used to have problems with auto-aggression (including suicide at the age of 14-15), but for the last 1-1.5 years there was a lull.
Due to financial constraints, there is no way to move out to an apartment or move back home. I try to pull myself together and calm down, but every attempt ends in failure. I have tried medication but I have not noticed any result.
Is there any way to cope with psychological tension and autoaggression? I don’t want to reach the peak of my patience and do something irreparably stupid.
