We divorced my ex-husband four years ago. Our son was barely two years old at the time. My ex was a good father, and the baby was very long-awaited. I was on hormones, I couldn’t get pregnant, so I got fat. He reproached me for that more than once.
When my son was born, we started to drift apart. We were short of money, we had to pay the mortgage, and my maternity pay was very low. He worked overtime, even went out on weekends. When he was home, he would sit with my son, go for walks, get up at night. I was very attached to him, but we hardly ever talked to him. All our conversations were just about his work, upcoming holidays, shopping. We stopped going out, only took occasional walks in the park outside the house.
I was all about my son and taking care of him. I did not even immediately notice that something was wrong with my husband. He became nervous, he often went out into the stairway to smoke, even though he used to do it on the balcony. Then I caught him talking to some girl, his new employee, 10 years younger than him. We got into an argument. He claimed there was nothing going on, even though he liked her. I, on the other hand, gave an ultimatum on emotion – it was either me or her. My husband didn’t say anything back, but he packed his things and left.
I realized almost immediately what I had done. I started calling, asking him to come back, putting messages on the answering machine. To no avail. In the months that followed, I found out how long he had put up with me. That I was ungroomed, fat, ugly, that I was nagging him all the time, that I did not allocate my budget well, that I was a bad mother and so much more. I was hoping to start over, I loved him very much, and I didn’t want to break up our family so easily. After all, we had lived together for 10 years. But my husband insisted on getting a divorce. He took out a loan to pay the rest of the mortgage, registered his part of the apartment on his son and left for another city.
It took me a long time to come to my senses. I had to get back on my own feet. I could only count on myself. Yes, my family helped me, but that same year I had to go to work and provide for myself, to take care of our son myself, to put him in day care, to take sick leave. My ex-husband sent good alimony, we were not poor, but he did not want to take part in his son’s life. I’m sure he was set up by his new wife. The same girl I caught him talking to. I tried to talk to him about it, to understand why he was doing this, but he changed his number and even forbade his family to tell it to me.
Four years went by. I got married, had a daughter. I have a beautiful family, a loving husband. And then my ex shows up. Says he wants to talk to his son, that he realized everything. But I know that he’s divorced, and now no one forbids him to see the child. Only my son doesn’t remember him. He only knows his daddy from pictures. I don’t want to let them see each other. He doesn’t deserve it, and I don’t see the point. Why traumatize the child? Explain everything to him? What if Daddy goes away again, forever? He left us both all alone and now he wants to come back like nothing happened. He says he’s going to sue for an order of communication.
But no matter what the court says, I’m still not going to follow it. I will prove that he is a bad father and my son does not know at all, he cannot be trusted with my child. I will do everything I can to protect my son from such a father. I once trusted him, but he passed on my trust by showing me what a monster he can be, and I won’t let my son get on that rake. Also, my second husband is doing a great job of fulfilling his parenting responsibilities. He takes him to kindergarten, to school prep, and plays and interacts with his son. They get along fine, so why bring another person into our family?
