I am 14 years old. Tell me what to do if everything irritates me unbearably? My older brother doesn’t want to communicate with us, but he lives at his mother’s expense (he’ll be 19 soon). He works and earns a lot, but he spends it all on partying and drinking, and he doesn’t want to help us. We already have money problems, and he doesn’t even want to hear about it. He “can’t” move out of our house, and he won’t pay the rent either.
I am a mother, I do not understand why she can not just kick him out, because no one needs him here. He does not want to finish college, but that is his business. I am waiting for a new phone, I was promised on my birthday (in September), but in the end I did not get it, they said they would buy it for the New Year. Where is it? It was not bought, again. I have 16gb, not enough for anything, the phone is horribly old. I asked my brother to add me 5 thousand for a new phone that has a lot of memory, but he refused, saying he doesn’t owe me.
I get a little angry, my mother immediately starts to arrange things for me, as if I do not have to show my temper here. Why can not I ask my mother a simple question, as everything will be, I’m just curious. She says she allegedly decides later, and then she gets annoyed, and I do not have to! I understand that she is trying for us, but I also have feelings. Why can’t I get angry when things really get out of hand? Why can’t I be upset when I can’t not be upset?
I don’t want to smile, I don’t want to learn, I don’t want anything to be happy about. I want to make some part-time money on my own, yet again, my little brother won’t let me. What should I do then? I can’t get angry, I can’t show discontent, I can’t get upset, I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Am I some kind of robot to live the way others want me to live?
They don’t want to understand me, they don’t want to understand that maybe my hormones play that way, they don’t want to understand anything. I understand that I will soon be like my brother, I will stop talking to my family, but I can’t handle it, I know that soon I will upset everyone, but I can’t anymore. I’m not confident in myself, but I can’t fix it.
Dad earns very little, does not live with us, but of course, communicates with us and discounts money. He puts in 3,000 a week. But he can’t at least give me money for a normal phone, either. I don’t want to talk, talk, smile, and make contact with anyone. I just don’t want to! Because I’m tired, everything irritates me, nothing brings me joy, I want to sleep and be silent. I have apathy towards everything, as my mother says, I do not want friends, I do not want to study, I do not want to work, I do not want anything, but I do not want to die either, though I want to disappear.
I spent the whole summer under stress, thinking that my father’s relatives would accept me. Yes they did, but then my aunt started saying that my mother left us and she didn’t need us (my mother worked in another city for about a year or more, so we didn’t see her for a very long time). I argued with my aunt, and in the end she almost beat me up. Because of the tantrum I smashed my phone to pieces and ran away to the woods, later came back and left for the city the very next day. My mother’s relatives took me in over the summer, but my mother’s sister started saying exactly the same thing, that my mother didn’t need us, that she had abandoned us, etc. Then she started saying I looked like a boy (I just cut my hair short), judged how I dressed, etc. I left them too. Never had any more contact with them, I hate all of them, they are nothing to me.
Ask me why I went to my in-laws? I moved with my little brother to my dad’s place in another city from my mom (home) on a contract, just for a year. Dad lied and said he lived alone in a private house. We arrived and it turned out he had a wife and kids (his wife’s kids, not his). One was 17, the other was 12.
To make a long story short, it didn’t work out, the girl was bullying me, constantly poking and insulting me, so I didn’t want to be home if my dad and wife were at work. I told the adults, they dealt with it, but she wouldn’t listen and kept going. In the summer my dad and his wife went away to work in another town, she stayed home for the eldest, and she bullied me again. My brother wasn’t touched, he was still young. So in the summer I hoped my relatives would be fine, but I was wrong. This girl apologized to me when we moved out.
Now I live with my mom and two brothers in the apartment. My mom says I should be thankful and understand everything, not sulk and act normal, but I can’t. It feels like I’m a robot without feelings in her opinion. I used to do self-harm when I was about 12, did self-harm for about 3-4 months.
No, my mom isn’t horrible, she’s cool and nice, it’s just that sometimes I don’t understand her and it’s annoying. It just so happens that I can’t deal with my problems and it causes a lot of pressure, I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t have any friends that I can confide in, because they’ll say the usual, “don’t get upset, I hope everything ispovedi.com will be fine, you’ll get over it…”. That’s not what I need. I can’t find a friend who is like me, who will support me, who will come to my aid. But my friends don’t want to appreciate that, which means they don’t need me. I don’t think I need anything. No, I can’t handle it.
