I’m 26 years old now. When I was 20, my parents divorced. My mother found a young man and left for him. I was very hurt for myself and my little sister, who was only 7 years old at the time. But we had no choice, I continued to live with them. The relationship with my stepfather was not good from the beginning. He was irascible, he yelled at me and even swung at me. After a year of living like that we stopped even saying hello, living in the same house.
My mother and stepfather fought a lot, yelling at each other and breaking household objects. But one day there was a particularly violent quarrel. He got drunk and tried to strangle her, and I was with my boyfriend at the time. I decided to protect my mother, but my stepfather almost got me. He swung at me, my boyfriend intercepted the blow, and a fight ensued. We called the police, my stepfather was taken away, but while he was packing he smashed all the items in the apartment for which he had paid at least a ruble. Broke the TV, the refrigerator, took all his stuff, right down to the dirty laundry, and disappeared from my family for a year and a half.
I was happy. My mother, on the contrary, showed that she did not know how to live without a man. She was running around terribly, trying to get my father back, but it didn’t work, and a year later she went back to her stepfather, even though she knew how cruel he was. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict, very aggressive and inadequate, and of course he was no better in a year. But my mother had a different opinion. She decided to have a child with him.
I had moved away at that time, but I was very worried about my sister. While my mother was pregnant, my stepfather tried very hard to seem nice. But as soon as my sister was born, everything went back to normal. My stepfather started breaking up the apartment again in fits of aggression, raising his hand against my mother. She called my father to try to find help, wrote statements to the police about my stepfather. And then she would take them back herself, make peace with him, and go on living with him. She told everyone around her how much she hated him and how she wanted to leave him, and then she got back together with him.
Recently, after another quarrel, she kicked him out of the house again. A few days later he came back drunk, smashed the windows with rocks and tried to break in the door. She called me for help, I came. She asked me to distract him so he wouldn’t break the door down. Only later did I realize how much she was setting me up, thinking only of herself. She also called my father for help, manipulating the fact that my stepfather could hurt me. In general, it all ended up again with my stepfather being arrested for several days and my mother’s statements and vows that she would not forgive him.
I started having panic and fear attacks, it seemed like he was waiting for me somewhere around the back. My mother seemed to like it, and after a month she reconciled with him and was already communicating secretly again, so that my relatives would not censure him. And when he came to wreck her house again, after another quarrel, she wanted to drag my father into her protection again. But I was against it, started taking away her phone so she couldn’t call him. We ended up having a fight. My first ever fight, after which we were both bitten, scratched and bruised. She was so angry that she also attacked my sister, who is now 13 years old, it made me so angry that in defending her, I started hitting with double force. At that moment my mother was drunk and yelled that it was my fault that she was not getting along with my father and that she regretted having a daughter like me.
And I understood everything in that moment. I just realized that I didn’t need that kind of person in my life, with that kind of mindset in her head, she would always have problems and everyone around her would be to blame. And even though she is a mother, I made a decision not to communicate with her anymore and not participate in her life in any way.
I am very worried about this, I always wanted a large friendly family, but I think I did the right thing. I would like to get a second opinion.
