Why doesn’t anything help, no matter what I read or do?
I am sincere, open, responsive, loving and emotional. Sociable and active. I love myself. I do not save on myself. I take out loans, spend child support. But what have I heard about my manifestations – stupid, hysterical, infantile, obsessive…
I am not good at trickery and putting on masks, in an attempt to appear better than I am. I am not good at lying and embellishing. I want to meet my people, but I do not succeed. The fourth decade of life is inexorably coming to an end, and I have never met a man who would like me, and did not meet women who are looking for companionship. All social connections are on my own initiative. This is very painful to realize. They are all superficial, fragile, because I am not valued in them, because initially I am not interesting and do not attract. Communication and relationships are what I am looking for.
I got married, but I am extremely unhappy. I am not loved. I am often reproached that “you chased me. And I loved then and took the initiative and sincerely thought it was cool. But years have passed and everything has fallen into place. I’m not taken seriously. There are secondary benefits from me. I have nowhere to go. No one will stand up for me. I can drink, lie, take walks, etc.
No one restricts my freedom, no one is jealous, no one beats me or humiliates me. I am free to do what I want, but I have no resources, and where to get them, I do not know. I do not know how to earn money, it is hard for me to think even in everyday life, I am not organized in life and I do not understand how to influence it. I have no positive experience in any area of life. No one is interested, no one can listen to the end, put themselves in my shoes and give feedback. Even before my openness, people feel something and make it clear that they don’t even want to communicate.
I know there are amateurs on everyone, why not on me? Where are my people, how do I meet them, what do I do for that? How do I hide the fact that there is no positive experience in anything? What to talk to people about to get them hooked? Why don’t they want to open up and talk to me about myself? Is it because I’m useless? Am I useless?
I can’t and don’t want a life of children and family, I want companionship and admirers and loving girlfriends. I am as polygamous as all people, I want bright colors, interest and attention. But there is not even enough communication. On dating sites, both women and men offer sex without commitment, without attachment to personality or soul. People don’t want to fall in love, get attached, experience romantic attraction. I don’t need sex for the sake of sex and no one understands me, I feel like there are aliens around, for whom sex is a common interest and no one owes anyone anything.
Why other girls are courted with bouquets and neither husbands nor children do not interfere with this? What do you have to do to genuinely like someone?
