I like my classmate with whom I have been sitting at the same desk for about three years. At first I didn’t like him when we were seated together for the first time, we didn’t communicate with him. But after 2-3 days we started helping each other with homework, I started letting him cheat at his request. And by the middle of the second year, he started paying attention to me somehow: he sat close to me, tried to seem funny, joked with me, helped me whenever I asked him to. We always did everything together in class, and at the test we helped each other solve the problems. And on March 8 he gave me a rose and a chocolate bar (boys bought presents for all the girls for the holiday), but I was surprised that it was me he gave this present to and not another girl.
After that I started to feel differently about him. Then he left for a competition, and we started communicating a little in social networks, and when he came I started to wonder about his personal life. But he somehow didn’t really ask about anything about my interests, hobbies, etc. He never talked to me outside of school, he never asked me to go anywhere.
On September 1 we were seated at different desks. It seemed to me that he forgot about me at all, as if nothing had happened. I sat with my friend and he sat with his friend. And I was very hurt that it happened this way, I blamed myself for not asking to sit next to him (because if I didn’t sit with him, then communication would stop). And so we sat at different desks until the middle of the fall. During that time he remembered me, looked at me more often, and for a while asked me to copy something, and then asked the other guys for their homework.
But then, around November, they put us back together again, and I was very happy about that. It wasn’t like last spring, though. Yes, we talked a little, he would sometimes ask me something, and that was it. Well, of course, I always helped him in class, like I used to let him cheat. But I realized that he was just using me for this purpose. And yet I felt that he cared about me, that he still had feelings for me.
He doesn’t communicate with the other girls in our class at all, he only occasionally crosses paths with them. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell about his feelings, he hides them, he is afraid to propose to go out (we are very busy with him, not really have time to take a walk, maybe because of this still). And I am somehow afraid to make a step forward and do not know if I should be the first to confess my feelings to him. Perhaps this is my main problem.
Now we are sitting together for the third year, we still help each other, we are interested, but no more.
Can you tell me what to do? Is it worth trying to do something or do I have to step up? I have an idea that if he loved me, he would have long ago invited me out, started to take the initiative. Or maybe he doesn’t need a serious relationship right now. I once told him that I was going to leave after the 9th grade, and after that he somehow became cold to me, it made him wary (he is going to 10, but I am also still thinking where to go). Over the years I’ve realized how much I care about this man, really love him just for what he is.
